I’m sorry that you couldn’t make life all you wish it could have been.
I’m sorry that you must resort to constant pessimism to seek redemption for your own errors; your own mistakes.
I’m sorry that life hasn’t been fair to you – or so you make it out to be that it hasn’t.
These things happen to everyone. Everyone has problems. Everyone makes errors. The difference is how each of us chooses to deal with these issues – and where we go from there. We can’t choose where we come from, or the life that we have been born into – however I inherently believe that the fate of your future rests in the palm of your hands. Slipping down into depression or an existential crisis on the basis of how your life has already been ‘dictated’ to you is completely impractical. The thought, itself, is a facade. It is an excuse. How do you expect to progress with your own life by piling excuse over excuse – shaping your entire life as one big ‘I’m sorry for existing’? We, and we alone, have the power to change everything. The scariest part of it all is – you know that. You believe that.
A close friend of mine, despite me not disclosing his name: didn’t believe I could do it. He mocked me. I don’t advertise certain things about myself because everyone has second thoughts as to whether they are really able to succeed at what they’re working towards – and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Safeguarding personal information is something we all do; and you do not have to rethink your decision of protecting yourself. Period.
I respect you. You have made it through that era of life where suicide rates are overflowing – where girls are picking out the tightest skirts available at the age of 12 (as is their choice), and where boys are resorting to pills and subcultures to satiate their desire for violence and their trademark ‘because I’m a boy’. But in the same fashion, I respect everyone else. They have survived, too. You just don’t acknowledge it. I want you to acknowledge it:
Haven’t we all? Haven’t we all picked up ourselves – picked up our friends, our relatives, our beloved ones – in the time of helplessness? That is what you do not understand. You have no sense of closure. Your self-pity never ends. You cannot stand the idea of another person working hard and achieving what they pray to achieve. You hope they do not achieve it. You hope they fall – that they fail – that they do not stand back up. That is the bitter reality of your life.
You have already accepted it.
Dedicated to: Rija & Zaeem. Wherever you go butterflies – know that you have the power to choose your friends and who you love.